On Money - 5. We desire what harms us
In a system where supply is limited and needs are infinite, it would be rational to buy only what we need and what helps us feel better. Curiously, we do the exact opposite. The Course is full of phrases referencing our tendency to buy things we do not need and that, in reality, harm us. Not only are we living in madness, but in our madness, we are hurting ourselves through the things we believe we desire and obtain.
One of the most prominent quotes where we see this idea is in chapter 13, where Jesus tells us what the real world looks like:
There are no stores where people buy an endless list of things they do not need. (CE T-13.VII.1:4)
Here, He is once again telling us that we use money to cover imaginary needs and also to satisfy unnecessary whims. As we saw earlier in the quote from chapter 27, not only do we buy things we do not need, but we waste money “things, and tosses them away for senseless things it does not need and does not even want. (CE T-27.X.2:3)”
For example, as I write these lines, I glance at a flowerpot I bought months ago. It has no plants in it because I had no plants to put in. Clearly, I bought something I neither needed nor wanted. If I truly wanted it, I would have planted something in it by now.
On one occasion, Jesus told Helen that she had wasted more money than her husband had ever earned in his entire life. Helen was known for her love of shopping. In this statement, Jesus was telling her that all her purchases amounted to squandering more money than her husband had managed to accumulate throughout his life.
This may seem trivial. What is wrong with this? Who does not enjoy going shopping, finding something interesting and beautiful, and taking it home? It seems like a harmless process, especially if you have the money to afford a little indulgence. However, the Course teaches us that we are actually asking for what harms us.
For example, in Lesson 133 of the Workbook, it says:
When you let your mind be drawn to bodily concerns, to things you buy, to eminence as valued by the world, you ask for sorrow, not for happiness. (CE W-133.2:1-2)
Pause for a moment and carefully read the previous quote. Do not let its depth escape you. Who would have thought that allowing your mind to focus on things you need to buy is inviting sorrow? On the contrary, we think that if we do not focus on these things, sorrow will come to us sooner rather than later.
The reason for this takes us back to the first chapter of the series. The first and only lack we have is the lack of God. We are convinced that we have a hole inside that needs to be filled with external things. But that hole is not really there, and it cannot be filled with things from the outside. When we try to fill that void with external things, we are actually making the feeling of emptiness even greater; we are inviting sorrow, not happiness.
When we desire external things, we are truly asking for what has no value. The only thing that has real value is love. In Lesson 133, we also find this line:
if you choose a thing that will not last forever, what you choose is valueless. (CE W-133.6:1)
The topic of shopping is, therefore, not a trivial one. Instead of being an essentially harmless act, it is something we do that brings us sorrow. Instead of filling us with a sense of wealth, it makes us feel surrounded by what is worthless.
If we are choosing what has no value, how do we recognize this and start choosing what does have value? The Course offers a very practical teaching on this. To begin practicing what it teaches, we must familiarize ourselves with two principles:
Although it seems like there are millions of alternatives to choose from in this world, in reality, there are only two possible alternatives.
Despite appearances, only one of the alternatives gives you everything, and the other gives you nothing. One brings joy; the other brings sorrow.
Armed with these two principles, we can now explore the techniques the Course provides to distinguish between the only two alternatives.
The Four Criteria
Jesus gives us four criteria that we can use to know if we are choosing something that will bring us pain.
1. If you choose something that will not last forever, what you are choosing is worthless.
The Course teaches that only the eternal is real. Although we believe our life is limited to the body, our soul will live on after the body is gone. Your being will endure beyond the lifespan of this planet, the stars, and even the entire physical universe. If there is something that will not continue to exist just like you, then it cannot have real value.
This criterion seems to encompass too many things; in fact, it is difficult to think of exceptions. But even in this world, exceptions exist. You just have to think about the purpose assigned to things. For example, you can buy a house. The house will not last forever, but if the house has the purpose of providing a place of union where holy relationships are formed, then the purpose of the house is not perishable.
2. If you choose to take something from someone, you end up with nothing.
When you try to obtain something by depriving someone else of it, you can be absolutely sure that what you desire is nothing. It has no value. The underlying reason is that everything we deny to others, we unconsciously deny to ourselves. We may end up obtaining what we wanted to take from another, but at the same time, we are denying it to ourselves, which will make any joy fleeting or impossible.
3. Why does what you choose have value to you? What is its purpose?
These questions must be answered with great honesty. Are you trying to satisfy your ego’s interests at the expense of others? Jesus says it is very easy to deceive yourself when answering these questions. Do not think you are immune to self-deception.
What we usually do is lie to ourselves about why we want something. Around our selfish intentions, we place a heroic and noble reason. Sometimes, we justify it with a story of victimhood and entitlement. Other times, we say that we are simply teaching others a fair lesson. There seem to be a million different ways to justify selfishness, but they usually form on two levels:
Superficially, we tell ourselves that our intentions are pure. That we simply seek the best for everyone.
Underneath, we believe that we can gain at the expense of others. This creates an internal sense that we have done wrong and bear the stain of sin. It feels as if you became a millionaire but at the cost of scamming your own family.
The first level is simply a mask of innocence. We put on the mask because deep down, we feel guilty. We get defensive when someone tries to unmask us.
Fortunately, both levels are self-deception. It is not true that we want things for pure reasons, and it is also not true that we have gained at the expense of others. Let us remember the second principle: We either win everything or win nothing. By believing that we can gain at someone else’s expense, we are gaining nothing. The fortune we earned by scamming the family was not a fortune after all. It was nothing.
4. If you feel even the slightest trace of guilt regarding what you have chosen.
If your reasons are pure, why do you feel guilt? Feeling guilt is proof that you are choosing something that has no value. If you are defending your innocence, then it is simply a mask.
This is the last criterion to apply. If you feel even the slightest trace of guilt about what you decide, then you are supporting the ego’s goals and choosing what harms you.
Imagine being able to buy and own things and not feel any guilt about it. It is possible if you stop choosing what has no value. In every decision where you are unsure of what to choose, be sure to apply these four criteria. You will likely change your mind about the goal you want to achieve.
Practice
Warmup
When you have a few minutes in the day to do this exercise, grab some paper and a pencil to take notes. Spend several minutes writing down as many things as come to mind that you would like to achieve, reach, or obtain. Here’s an example:
Desire:
___________Is it forever? Yes/No
Does it take something from someone? Yes/No
What purpose does it have?
Do I feel guilty? Yes/No
For each desire, take a few moments to honestly answer the four criteria. Honesty is key in this exercise, especially with the last criterion. Guilt is often hidden under other names. If you feel the slightest trace of guilt about your desire, even if it seems justified and you feel it is something ‘you deserve’, answer “yes” to that question.
Once you have listed your desires and answered the four criteria, decide if the goal you are pursuing is from the ego and therefore a goal that will harm you. Then you can say to God:
I really do not want what will harm me. Show me what goals I need to achieve.
In the Morning
We will again dedicate 15 minutes in the morning to practicing the ideas we are learning today. The goal is to spend most of those fifteen minutes in mental silence and in connection with God. We will do this using the following technique:
Close your eyes and remind yourself that you want to do this exercise and that the benefits it will bring are something you truly desire.
Let thoughts come to your mind. Some will be from the past, others from problems you want to solve or things you need to do during the day.
Face each thought by calmly but firmly saying, “This is not the goal I want to pursue right now, my goal is peace.”
Repeat this until you find yourself in a state of silence and peace.
Throughout the Day
Throughout the day, observe your mind. You will be looking for thoughts that tell you that you desire something. It can be a material or immaterial goal. Try to mentally review whether this goal is pursuing something truly valuable by applying the four criteria. If you find yourself desiring something that has no value, say to yourself:
Today I will not give value to what has none.
Use your phone’s timer to remind yourself at least every 20 minutes that today you will not desire what harms you. Remember this phrase and say it slowly, so that the words take on meaning in your mind:
Today I will not harm myself by giving value to what has none.